How to not spoil a child?

Parenting styles and tips
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Written By Poonam Singh

I am co-founder of and Principal of Cambridge Montessori Preschool Bangalore.

Of course, as a parent, you would want to make your kid happy, but if the parent gets way too lenient with the child, it can cause some problems. This article is all set to guide you to have a perfect balance. You need to know how to not spoil a child.

Some of the most unpleasant and irritating things on this earth for parents are dealing with spoiled kids and dealing with their tantrums. They always believe that are entitled to get whatever they want and do things as pleased to them. Thus it is important to know how to not spoil a child and if they are, how to unspoil the child.

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How to not spoil a child?

It is hard to handle such kids and regulate how they behave and practice patience and empathy. It is the task and responsibility of the parents to make sure that the child is trained to be kind and a responsible citizen. Their upbringing should make contributions to the betterment of society and also make sure that they are doing the required duties.

The kids that are not spoiled are usually fun to be along with and who make parenting, a really incredible experience.

Radhika Gupta agrees that her son Rahul, 5, has been loved and pampered by her family. The reason that he was pampered much is that he is the first child in the family and very dear to everyone in the household. Radhika also tries to fulfill every wish of Rahul, even though she has started working again.

But in return, Rahul only throws tantrums and as days pass by, his behavior and attitude are getting worse. ” Sometimes, he would spit out food, throw anything around him, and even scream, if he does not get what he wants. Rahul has become selfish and does not look at other people’s emotions and attitudes. Now Radhika feels guilty of fulfilling his wishes and getting him what he wants, but now, she is simply exhausted and wants to make her child.

It is natural for a parent to feel the need to fulfill their children’s desires in order to really understand them. Parents always want to have a good time with their children and have cherishable memories. It is also easier sometimes to agree over their demands rather than to deal with their tantrums. It is understandable to not give enough time to the children sometimes but that is not an excuse to give in your child’s demand every time.

often things go the other way round. Many parents agree to the fact that they have spoiled their kids and feel guilty. But what is worse in this situation is that after feeling guilty, many parents change their behavior towards their children drastically.

How to not spoil a child?
How to not spoil a child?

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Where is the risk of spoiling the kid?

Meeting the needs of the infant and child is important and is required to provide them with comfort in an expected way, which makes them feel loved and secure and builds a strong loving bond between the parent and the child. But when the expectations are met all the time, sometimes it can result in a change in the way the children respond to their parents. Rather than affection, they becoming more demanding and self-centric.

In the first six months, it is not possible for the toddler to get spoiled. This is the time when they will learn that with the support of their parents, they can explore their boundaries and behavior as well.

It is only after this time, the child starts to take advantage of the support and care. During this time, the parents need to make some shifts in order to avoid their kids getting spoiled. They need to learn on how to be independent and respect others efforts and love. Of course, it is a tender age and they will need your love and care but some transitions and changes are required if the baby needs to figure things by themselves.

Let us now look into what are the strategies and tips that parents can apply to stop their kids from getting spoiled. There are two areas to be considered – How to unspoil your child and how to stop further spoiling the kids. Let us look into this together.

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How to un-spoil the kid

Before we begin, it is important to understand that there is no reason to feel guilty about spoiling your child. Now that your kid is already spoiled, it is important to make sure that you take the necessary steps to help the spoiled kid get unspoiled. It is important to know how to not spoil a kid.

Please understand that the child doesn’t get spoiled on their own, it is probably the parents who actually play a huge role in case if the kids are spoiled, maybe unconsciously. Here are some tips that can help you to teach you how to un-spoil a child

Consistency of any strategy is the gateway

In case if you adapt to any strategy or method, it is important to give it sufficient time to take affect, It is important to know that it takes some time for the methods to really unconsciously help the child to make a shift in the way they think and act.

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Reward them handsomely for following up to the rules

You are basically giving your child a choice that if they do the work, they will be rewarded with the things they like. This helps the child to adapt to discipline and helps them to follow up to the rules and value hard work. This will unconsciously make them work and not take everything for granted. this may take a little time for the child to adapt, but once they are able to get along well with the chores, you will start seeing the effect of the strategy.

How to not spoil a child?
How to not spoil a child?

Communicate your expectations with your child

It is important to tell your child what you expect from them after completing the task and hold them responsible. It is quite different from threatening. When you communicate an expectation, make sure that you tell your child how to behave and how to respond, and also tell them the consequences of not following up with it. It might bug them off, but on a later run, it will teach your child to have more self-control and not take everything for granted and be careless.

Observe if they respect the things they have

It is natural for a child to get attracted and demand for new things. It is important that as the child gets older and starts understanding things, it is important for the parent to make sure that they are trained to respect what they have and not unnecessarily demand new things every time they’d want. As a parent, For example, as a parent, you can ask them, to complete a coloring book, if they want a new one.

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How to stop the kids from spoiling

parents who look forward to training their children to be responsible and not spoiled and not spoiled raise humans that are thankful, empathetic, practice self-control, and patience and are very generous in nature.

They need to learn to do chores

make sure that your child learns to chores. Giving them the chores appropriate to their age is extremely important. It also helps the child to make improvements and build confidence.

It might take some time for your child to build the habit of doing household chores, left alone some similar tasks. Teaching your children to do housework lays a foundation to make them responsible and self-dependent.

Make them practice to stay thank you

Whether it is small favor or a big-time help and support, it is important for your child to feel thankful for the help and should have the habit to appreciate other people’s help. This fosters a sense of gratitude and empathy and help them to have a positive outlook towards things.

They must be able to thank out of action by themselves, without the parents to prompt them to say so. You have to sit down and help your child to inculcate this habit by making them write thank you notes for those whom they feel grateful about and those who give them gifts and attention.

Inculcating discipline in the child

One of the signs of effective parenting is to teach the child to be self-disciplined and they have to know how to stay in the rules all by themselves. There needs to be a foundation to discipline a child as it impacts their behavior and outlook as they grow up.

Children need to learn how to behave and respond at an early age as it is easy to adapt and have self-control. this will help them to socialize and have friends, This is one of the significant ways to avoid your kid from getting spoiled.

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Raise a compassionate child

The child needs to be able to mingle with friends and family and with the world at large and have empathy and the drive to help peers in need by helping them. It is advised to encourage them to think beyond themselves and look into other’s conditions and perspectives. Acts of kindness will help your child to build good relations with people and have a meaningful relationship and make difference in other people’s life.

Don’t over-praise your child

It is known that to improve your child’s self-esteem and confidence, it is important to praise them for their efforts. But sometimes, what happens is that confidence turns into pride if it is done too much. While it may help the child to stay motivated, it is true that it doesn’t work as effectively for all the kids.

It is essential to teach your child the value of patience, perseverance, and hard work, to try and attempt if they are not able to achieve any goal. If they are not improving on certain aspects, tell them that they need to work moreover it and also tell them things they are good at improving their confidence. It is important for a child to stay grounded and real.

Valuing money

Most of spoiled kids don’t value money because they don’t value hard work and patience. It is one of the best ways to make sure that your child is learning and understanding the cost of things and also managing the budget and other things as well.

How To Unspoil A Child In 5 Easy Steps-Parenting Advice video

How to not spoil a child?

FAQ – How to Avoid Spoiling Your Child

What makes a child spoiled?

There is no one answer to this question as every child is different. However, there are some general things that can make a child spoiled. These can include things like being given everything they want, never having to face any consequences for their actions, or always being the center of attention. When children are spoiled, they often become self-centered and entitled. They may also have difficulty empathizing with others and may be disrespectful. Spoiled children can be a challenge to parent, but it is important to try to set boundaries and teach them empathy and responsibility.

How do you know if your child is spoiled?

signs of a spoiled child
A spoiled child is one who is used to getting his or her way and throws tantrums when they don’t.
Spoiled children are also ungrateful, always demanding more and more.
If your child is constantly whining, never satisfied, and expecting you to do everything for them, then they are probably spoiled.
A spoiled child is also typically narcissistic and selfish.
If your child is always thinking about himself or herself and doesn’t care about anyone else, then he or she is probably spoiled.
Finally, spoiled children are often bullies. If your child is always picking on others and using them to get what he or she wants, then your child is likely spoiled.

How do you stop spoiled behavior?

Reward good behavior
Prioritize and set limits
Find the root of the problem
Ignore bad behavior
Don’t be afraid to say “yes”
Observe your behavior


I am co-founder of and Principal of Cambridge Montessori Preschool and DayCare Kaggadasapura Branch. I am also a Montessori certified teacher and have 5+ years of experience working with kids.

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