A child getting into trouble at school: what to do ?

Parenting styles and tips
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Written By Poonam Singh

I am co-founder of toddlerjunction.com and Principal of Cambridge Montessori Preschool Bangalore.

Even though your child might behave well at home, you might notice constant complaints from the teacher for your kids. It can be sometimes a task to undo the label if your kid gets into trouble quite frequently.

It is quite hard to change the image if your kid repeatedly gets into trouble, that’s when the real problem happens. The problem is that he is not a problematic child, but other parents and teachers fear that he may manipulate and influence the kids

We all know that labels are put on the kids most of the time and it is definitely not going to change. Labels can be unfair, subjective and affects the child mentally and emotionally as well. It does not let the child to change for good. Even the most well behaved kids can get into trouble at school.

In all the levels of education, right from play school, the parents should take down what the school personnel wants to convey regarding the kid. Often the parents assume or jump into conclusions based on their own experiences.

  1. It is initially recommended to listen to what the teacher or the personnel needs to say regarding the behavior of your child
  2. Listen to them in an open mind and don’t react immediately
  3. Ask your child regarding the cause of such behavior in a calm way. Your child might throw tantrums or become repulsive, hence the approach needs to be in a calm and gentle way. Allow your child to speak up and talk regarding their problem and what prompted them to behave in such away.
  4. After listening to the teacher and the child, you need to understand their reasons for response and action and create a plan to not only rectify the trouble but also make sure that the child does not repeat the same mistake over again.

Read Here: How To Find A Montessori Caregiver For Your Kid

trouble at school
trouble at school

Confront the child honestly for their behavior

It is important, to be honest with the child for their behavior and it is suggested to not encourage or let go of these complaints. Have an open mind with regard to the behavior of the child at school as it impacts their personality and also influences their personality.

You need to make sure that the label that is over your child is justified or is thrown over your child. If the teacher tags your child as a troublemaker, ask them the exact action that your kid does and gets into trouble. Understand your child’s behavior pattern to understand if your child is doing this on purpose.

Read Here: How Montessori Education Is Different From Traditional Education

Don’t defend your child when you consciously know that he is wrong

It is important to know that as a parent, you need to advocate over your child’s behavior. If he has done something wrong, he needs to realize it, if not it can lead to serious problem as the it will impact his behavior and personality when he grows up.

Understand that defending over your child’s misbehavior is not going to change him in any way and can be disruptive. Many parents tend to defend because it is easier to put the teacher and the school personnel on the blame rather than holding your child accountable and forcing them to actually act in a specific way. However, the parents need to understand that change in the behavior takes time, and defending them would only prolong their misbehavior for long.

Read Here: 7 Key Elements of a Montessori School

Coach your child during vacations

It might sometimes not be effective to coach your child while he attends school, However, during vacation, you can definitely notice a shift in the behavior that the child has. If your child has been labeled a trouble maker, take time during the vacation to actually lay down a specific plan to improve his behavior and make sure that the strategies that you lay down are consistent and effective. Make him understand that being respectful to others would make a big difference in his overall school experience and would help him to have a better connection with the school personnel and peers.

Don’t let the misbehavior impact you

As parents, it can be easier for you to believe that your kids are an extension of who you are. Many parents might feel offensive when the teachers point out the trouble and problem that you might notice in the child. It honestly doesn’t make any sense if you get affected by the complaint. You can get defensive and angry and feel offensive. However, you need to stay sane and actually stop comparing it with your overall worth. You need to take the accusations personally as it will make you think ill about the whole situation.

You might also like to know : How to transit into a Homeschool after your child has attended a traditional school

Be completely honest about his behavior

It is important the assert and shows the importance to not defend having good behavior in the school. It is important to not just allow him to defend over the specific situation. He may be wrong and is not right to defend in anyway.

The parents that have problem with the behavior of the kids need to understand that it is easier to fight about the situation with the school rather than actually fighting it with the kids as they would be resistant to your action.

trouble at school
trouble at school

Don’t lower the value of teacher’s authority in front of your kid

If the parents are having any problem or query with the authority, it is important that the parents discuss it with the teachers. It is not beneficial for you to undermine or ignore the teacher’s remark at home, as it trains your child to not respect the elders and the teachers in the future. There are situations where the parents won’t agree with the school personnel.

Ask questions calmly

Once you listen and understand the situation all by yourself, it is important to ask relatable and effective questions. It is important to take your time while talking over and productively making sure that you, as a parent are able to better assess and understand the situation and ask questions that fill in the gap of the knowledge and the information that you know.

Don’t shield your kids from the consequences

One of the things that the parents should look into is the consequences that the child may go through the post the work. The more you chip into the consequences, the less likely is for your child to change. It is important to let your child face the consequences to know the significance of the situation.

The pressure might come off as a negative consequence, at that time the parent needs to back up and help the child navigate through the situation in an optimistic way. When the child falls into trouble over some issue, they need to understand the implications of their activities and learn from it. If the kids don’t realize their mistake, they might soon face the consequences.

Parents and teachers being the same time

The parents and teachers need to be in the same team to make a difference in the life of the child. If not, it becomes extremely difficult to have full attention and focus on the aspects of the kid. But most of the time in real life, things go against the parents and teachers.

This comes from the ground that the parents think that blaming a child’s behavior is a remark over the upbringing of the parents, which offends them quite often. It is important for the parents and teachers to understand that the problem does not surround them, but the child. The child needs some lessons and learning to navigate through the problematic behavior that can be only done with the support of the teacher and the parents. ‘

My child keeps getting into trouble at school. What can I do?

trouble at school

FAQ – What to Do When Your Kid Gets in Trouble at School

How do you react when your child gets in trouble at school?

When my child gets in trouble at school, I usually talk to the teacher or principal to get more information. I want to know what happened and why my child is being disciplined. Sometimes, I will talk to my child about what happened. I want to help them understand why their actions were wrong and how they can do better next time. I also want them to know that I am still on their side and that I love them.

How do you deal with trouble in school?

When I have trouble in school, I usually talk to my teacher about it. Sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding that can be cleared up easily. Other times, I might need help with the work. My teacher is always willing to help me or give me extra time to finish an assignment. If I’m having a problem with another student, I talk to my guidance counselor. They can usually help me figure out a way to solve the problem.

How do you discipline a child that doesn’t listen?

There’s no one answer to this question that will work for every child or in every situation. One common approach is to start with a warning, followed by a brief time-out if the child continues to misbehave. If the problem persists, you may need to escalate the consequences, such as increasing the length of the time-out or taking away a privilege. Another important consideration is to be consistent with your discipline – if you give a time-out for a certain behavior, make sure you do so every time the child exhibits that behavior. Finally, it’s important to provide positive reinforcement when the child is behaving well, as this will help encourage good behavior.


The bottom line from the entire article can be concluded to be that if your child has a discipline problem, then it requires some attention and there is a problem that needs to be addressed collaboratively by the parents and school personnel. It might take a lot of effort from your side as a parent, but its is something that you should put efforts to solve and rectify.

Some kids do need lot of parenting to get back on right track and that’s when your parenting ability is tested. Every child is unique and requires a strategical way of upbringing and guidance. It might also compel and make you work with the school of your child. With a good relationship with your child, you will be able to synchronize work and tasks with your kid and create a positive relationship in school as well.

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I am co-founder of toddlerjunction.com and Principal of Cambridge Montessori Preschool and DayCare Kaggadasapura Branch. I am also a Montessori certified teacher and have 5+ years of experience working with kids.

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